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Your Own Little Rag Doll

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(3 Lies | Just lie to me)

[04 Jan 2006|09:49pm]
Do people Judge you because of the communities that you belong to?
I dont want to have two seperate journals, but im afraid that the other would scare some.

I guess it is my journal and i can do what i want. Im weird enough i guess whats the problem with a little more to question

(Just lie to me)

"stories and cigarettes ruin lives of lesser girls" [14 Feb 2004|11:12am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I haven't written in a while, but ive been busy, as always.
This quarter is almost over already and a lot has been going on.

a few weeks ago me kate natasha and stef went to see howie day and stereophonics and got back stage, woo ha... only girls under 21 and without a back stage pass to be back there. I promised kate i would get us back there..

and the wednesday before that after work i went out dancing with my friend mario and I asked kate to come along. and that friday Kate and i went to Leo's for dinner... I was very tipsy.. i think hes so funny and cute in a foreign way.

Ken and i broke up 2 weeks ago i guess it was. which is fine.... it was definitely over. The flame went out quick, i dont think there was ever a spark for me. I just didnt feel it when we kissed, it just wasnt there.

I really feel like I've been getting some excellent work done here. All i do is sleep take pictures and go to work and school, and work is really starting to annoy me... a lot. Marianna is forcing me to pick up this shift tonight ... on valentines day when i never work saturday nites, And i get paid the same whether its busy or not, so why the fuck would i want to be there on one of the busiest nites of the year. If there was tip share... sure fine, but theres not. grr

I slept over Rob's and Jeremys the other night. I went to their place to wash my clothes and they didnt finish til almost 3 a.m. and i was watching movies with rob anyway and kate passed out so i just went to sleep and It sucks cause i really liked rob playing with my hair during the movie and sleeping next to me in a twin bed. I think Im finished with older men, I cant get what i want from any of them. I guess i could always turn to girls... haha no

I was so busy yesterday and i didnt even have work or school, i was running around all day, i went to mid city 4 times yesterday and quaker twice, i shot 6 rolls of film, 3 were of natasha last night in the studio, i think i got some really good shots too. Im excited, i just love photography so much.

I applied for a part time nanny position for a family in center city. I think i would just have more time for photography, and one of my favorite subjects is kids... so i think it would be a good move.. I may even make more doing this than at assholes cucina. I guess thats all i have to say for now, i suppose. im gonna die at work.

(5 Lies | Just lie to me)

[09 Feb 2004|02:39am]
i must sleep even though i want to write... i have lots t o update and since i was just reading old entries i feel inspired. yes. weird.

(Just lie to me)

[28 Jan 2004|01:41pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Deep Beliefs....
1. Do you believe in abortion? No absolutely not at all
2. Do you believe in the death penalty? some crimes deserve death
3. Do you believe in miracles? yes
4. Do you believe in wishes? i make lots of wishes on eyelashes
5. Do you believe in love? yea

Would you Ever?
1. Would you ever adopt a child? yes id love lil asian kids
2. Would you ever steal if you know you wouldnt get caught? maybe
3. Would you ever lie to save someone from having a broken heart? probably not
4. Would you ever sleep with a professor to get a better grade? i probably would date a professor but not for a better grade
5. Would you steal from the rich to give to the poor? yes.afterall i am robin hood

Have you...
1. Have you ever been arrested? no
2. Have you ever had a warrent out for your arrest? no
3. Have you ever wrecked your car? yes twice :(
4. Have you ever broken a heart? i think maybe
5. Have you ever made out with someone of the same sex? yes
5a. Would you? i have its no big deal, a kiss is a kiss

Silly Questions...
1. Who are you thinking about right now?ken
2. if you could eat anything right now, what would it be? mexican
3. If you could go anywhere in the U.S, paid trip and all and one person could go with you, where would you go? someplace tropical with someone i love
4. When is the last time you had sex? saturday!
5. Who is the last person you talked to? my mom i hate talking on the phone
6. have you ever sky-dived?no but i would love to
7. whats better? A bowel of ice-cream or chicken fingers? chickens always better
8. What time is it? 1:35
9. Do you want a big wedding ? or small wedding? big i think
10. Have you ever made fun of someone? yes
11. Have you ever been made fun of? im sure but i was never bullied
12. What is your all time favorite memory of your Roommate(s)? i dont know i always have fun with kate
13. Have you ever had sex in a public bathroom? no
14. Have you ever pee'ed with out TP and just drip dried? yea ive had to before
15. Have you ever eaten Ramen Noodles so much it makes you sick to think about them? yes
16. If you could have a remote control orgasm maker, would you buy it?no i would never want to condition myself
17. Where is the last place you ate at in public and with who? the midtown diner with kate
18. What is your number one sexual fantasy? i dont want to scare anyone
19. Maury or Jenny Jones? i dont have cable
20. Swallow or spit? I know you wish you could find out
21. Have you ever gone anal? heehe
22. what is your utmost addiction? salsa
23. horses or donkeys? horses are better lookin

I have work to do at the school but i dont want to go... :(

(Just lie to me)

[28 Jan 2004|01:28pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I dont know why but i dobnt particularlly like writing in here anymore. I write in my real journal far more often. I think one day theyll be published. Its all good stuff in there. I feel good about it.

Night classs were canceled last nite, due to shitty winter weather. booo to that. I wish it was summer.
Ken told me about a job over the summer. Photographing Kids with Characters at sesame place. I think that could be good. I just need to get to it before anyone else. Wooo ha.

i have to work at 5 tonight until 10. It's probably not going to be busy but i need money so i wont complain. I dont really have anything else to say

besides i got my hair cut short and dyed it. whatever i guess thats all. im in a foul mood

"a poinsetta in poison rain...
traded true love for insult and injury
we washed it down the drain with
one wooden stake through the heart, and two vicodin"

Give me one more chance to prove myself to you all the lilttle things that i long to do..

(Just lie to me)

I had to find you- tell you i need you- tell you i set you apart. [09 Jan 2004|05:04pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I used to be able to sit here at my computer forever. I can't anymore, I'm not content with it at all. Classes start back up monday and i can't wait. I'm not used to having nothing to do. I called work, Marianna doesnt have any shifts for me to pick up until after sunday.

I guess it's one of those days for me.. Where i feel cold and lonely. I hate that feeling, like you're in the warmest room and a chill goes up your spine. hmm

I had a nightmare that woke me up last nite. Mush was alive, he had never really died at all, My mom gave him to a humane society because she thought he would be better off then me breaking his heart everytime i came home and left again. Just thinking that he was still alive and not mine tore me apart and i woke up in tears. I loved that lil baby cat.

The sun is setting on the city, everyday it takes a lil longer to get dark. I cant wait until its 9:00 and light out. A nice steamy 85 degrees.

I walked to the Free library down JFK blvd today to return lolita that was due sept 16. opps... they sent me a bill that said it was 35 dollars, but the lady there said it was really 15. Ill go with that. at least its returned and i feel much better about that. I feel like im slipping into debt, maybe its because a collection agency called me this morning and woke me up telling me to pay my verizon bill. Bastards

I borrowed the movie the opposite of sex, It was kind of annoying. Now what do I do... ?

(Just lie to me)

bored, but now im going to jersey later jerks [30 Dec 2003|03:32pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Could you tell me the time: 1:44 pm

Favorite name ever: Lilian Loveena

Age that you could stay forever: 18, i think its sexy as hell and it makes the boys stop and think ;)

Place that you want to live: Somewhere foreign with someone to love

Favorite 3 colors: red black and i think maybe ... hot pink

If you were stuck in a room, for the rest of your life with one person, who would it be: I cant choose just one I need a combo of people in my life

If you were banished from your home, and you were only allowed to take what you could carry, what would you take: My cat if he were alive, Photos, My Journals, and my wooby?

Who is your best friend, ever, and why: Stef Lisa and Christa, Kate and Erin are so awesome too

How long are you usually(on an average day) are you on a computer: @ school... all the time... even if im not sitting there... Hello DSL@ home... I just got the internet back and im bored as hell im gonna go with 37 hours a day

Would you ever kiss Bill Clinton: he Kissed Monica Lewinskys Vaginal Lips... Boo

What is your favorite month, and why: June, July, August I love warm weather you can wear very little clothing and summer is for love.

Could you live with a monkey and a parrot: how about half moneky half parrot

Do you like your nose: yea i do, people tell me its cute... and my 3 cousins have the same features as me... its a family thing.
Could you live with Courtney Love: I dont know that i could live with her, I'd meet her

What is your favorite Shakespeare play: umm.. Hamlet

hcjsdfa,fhal uwefhn, what does that mean: fuck you

Are you queer: nope

Old MacDonald had a farm, finish this rhmye: Im no mother goose

What is your favorite cd, and why: Every Garbage Cd. Only band that i love every single song on every album

What brand is your computer: hewlett packard. p.o.s

Do you like your feet: yea, i like them better in heels and sexy shoes... i think my legs and feet are my trademark. perhaps

Can you eat two double cheeseburgers, a super sized fry, a milkshake, and chicken nuggets in one sitting: no, I'd go into cardiac arrest

What do you think about these questions: who cares

Do you know the muffin man: the muffin man? the muffin man
Is your sister about to die because she can't eat one goddamn thing: I dont have a sister
What's the story behind your nickname? Kris... cause its short for Kristin.

Name 5 of your favorite pig out foods: I love chips and salsa, and champs... cereal

Have you ever had a makeover? no, but i change my look on my own. everyone evolves.. hopeflly

Name all members of The Beatles: Ringo, John, Paul... i dont know

What's the longest time you've spent out of the Country and where? Ive never been out of the country i want to travel

One thing you're grateful for today: My momma, everyday

What's your favorite high school memory? Prom weekend... all the dirty looks i got in school, all the scandelous things i did

What is the most insane thing you've ever done to/for a crush that he might not know about: I dont do things for them, I just tell them i like them... no sense beating around the bush. if you want something in life you have to go get it.

Describe your dream wedding: I think i might like to be barefoot in beautiful grass

Would you ever join Temptation Island? no fuckers... fuck "reality" tv

Name three teachers you liked in High School/Elementary school: Mr. Zulick ( euro cultures) Mrs. Sokutis ( art) Mr Griffiths. (sexy)

Do you have a favorite quote? What is it?: "There's no point in living if you cant feel the life... "( one of the many fav quotes

My first heartbreak happened when I was: 18, what a waste of time.

The school picture you buried in your bottom drawer: Probably from 6th grade. what an awful year

Do you have any weird preferences? What are they?: I like when theres no baby powder on the floor... and i like to be touched alot even if its a graze as youre walking by. love to touch and be touched.

What is one thing you will never understand about the opposite sex? why they can be such huge dicks but girls are like that too

Name one character on TV you'd most want to be: I like drew barrymore alot but i Like being myself

If you were famous and were to be a guest on a talk show, which show would you choose? Ellen, she is fuckin funny or Conan

Give yourself a porn star name: You give me one

Do you have any weird sleeping habits? Im very jumpy, I startle easily and i have nightmares often... if i sleep peacfully its probably because of the person im sleeping with " id do anything just to fall asleep with you"

What do you plan to do this summer? I dont know... Its still December

What is your favorite song right now? my life... No doubt , catchy

Do you know at least one Disney song by heart? Which one? I dont, sorry

Describe your dream house: huge with a cat husband and kids maybe one day

Your typical sleepwear is: Naked but i cant do that with room mates... tank top and panties

What's in your bag? wallet, Lip stick, inhaler, birthcontrol, medication, gum, a ring, my cell, a zip disk, film, photographers business cards

What's in your wallet? School id, business cards, express cards, bank card, ear rings, and money, library card, hot topic card, Cosi Drink card

How much money do you have in your wallet right now?: $13.00

What is your favorite pair of shoes?: I think my black heels with an ankle cuff- kate got them for me aww

How was your Senior Prom?: I was a little tipsy and i had a lot of fun. I danced like sex

Name: -- KRISTIN

Nickname: -- KRIS

Date of Birth: -- 11/25/84

Place of residence: -- Center city Philly!

Hometown: -- Wanaque New Jersey

Car you drive: -- I dont have one :(
Car you want to drive: -- I dont really need a car in the city... but at home id drive anything
What you do for money (Preferably a legal job, ya poof!): -- Hostess at Lambertis Cucina

Okay, and since I brought it up, any illegal jobs?: -- Nope

Let's be shallow for a bit, yeah? --

What do you look like?: -- 5'7", Brown red black and blonde hair woa! olive skin
Eye color?: -- Dark Brown

Do you wear glasses or contacts?: -- no

Hair color?: -- see above

Preferred shade of dye?: -- red

Shoe size?: -- 9.5.. im tall :(
Do you bite your nails?: -- nope

Do you paint your nails?: -- red or french
Describe your preference to a significant other's physical state of being: -- I like a variety, Skinny, chubby, athletic, but always tall and its always been dark hair dark eyes

Pet peeves: -- baby powder on the floor. Hard yolk on plates... the smell of sitting ketchup

What you hate about others: -- when girls are catty and fight over petty shit ad when people are fake to other people and themselves

Biggest reason for talkin' shit about other people: -- I try not to

The one thing you admire most in other people: -- a genuine being

now, let's find out what you like. --

Favorite number: -- 25

Favorite color: -- red

Favorite thing to wear: -- skirts

Name brand: -- dont really care

Shoes: -- heels, and i pay for it
Favorite jewelry: -- Rings
Favorite place to hang out: -- I like to chill in the park or have tea at cosi and in the dark room everyone is so funny

Favorite place to visit: -- umm

Favorite smell: -- the smell of rising bread in the proofer, some stuff Ken wears, and the smell of baby spit up, i know im crazy

Worst smell: -- garlic, bad milk

Favorite memory from childhood: -- not sure

Favorite memory to date: -- My 19th birthday was fun

Dream car: -- I dont know something black thats new

Favorite food: -- mexican

Favorite place to eat out: -- the mexican post
Favorite lunch meat: -- pastrami

Favorite soup: -- I dont like soup

Favorite salad dressing: -- thousand island

Favorite vegetable: -- green beans, not french cut,

Favorite ice cream: -- its all about peanut butter !!!!!!
Favorite gum: -- big red

Favorite drink (non-alcoholic): -- lemonade

Favorite drink (alcoholic): -- long island icetea(the irish pub knows just how i like em), and rum and coke fav beer... hoegarden
Favorite drug (for a headache, fever, etc.): -- i dont take stuff like that

Favorite drug (recreational): -- whatever... lol

Preferred soap: -- dove

Preferred shampoo: -- Salon selectives
Preferred toothpaste: -- colgate something good..

Preferred side of the bed: -- whichever but i sleep on my left side usually, spoon me

Sega, Sony or Nintendo?: -- don't play em

Favorite game: -- I dont play games

Favorite song(s): -- she says,Lost and found, Lost cause, the trick is to keep breathing, underneath it all, Times like these, 1979!!
Favorite band/singer(s): -- Garbage, taking back sunday, Thursday, Hole, No doubt, Nirvana and so on and so forth
Favorite television show(s): -- I dont have tv in philly so i dont know whats good
Favorite comic book(s): -- whatever
Favorite cartoon(s): -- garfields christmas
Favorite movie(s): -- Dumb and Dumber, back to the future, the cell, seven,
Actors: -- Jim carrey,Nicholas cage sometimes
Actresses: -- drew barrymore, julia roberts, julia styles, Claire Danes

Here's a few about every day life. --

Are you parents still together?: -- My mom remarried
Do you get along with your mom?: -- best friends, i dont care if thats corny or not
Do you get along with your dad?: -- He passed away
Do you have any siblings?: -- 2
What gender and how old?: -- boys, Eric 22, Josh 20
Do you get along with them?: -- yes, better than ever
Favorite person to hang out with: -- Stef christa lisa-kate erin Myke Fernando, Leo, Rich, Ken, Drew, eric.. in the dark room

Who you cry to?: -- i dont know

Who you vent to?: -- Kate and Erin

What you vent most about?: -- whatever's pissing me off at the moment

Who do you have a crush on?: -- I hate the word crush, is this 6th grade

Do they know?: -- erm..

Does anyone else know?: -- hush

Are you in love?: -- No

With whom?: -- No

Are they in love with you?: -- who?

Do you dream?: -- I am a dreamer

What do you want to be when you grow up?: -- A professional Photographer
What do you want to do tomorrow? Im going to Grans in the a.m. then to kens to see fire works over the ship yard at penns landing.

And here's a few about your online life. --

Hours a week, on average, do you spend online: -- My internet is on all the time at school

Favorite screen name of the past: --Urownlilragdoll

Screen name you wish you had: -- i still use the same one

Best friend online: --dont have one

Online crush (You know you have one!): -- Nope...just no i dont have time for that nonesense

Does the crush know?: -- grr

Does anyone else know?: --

Who is the most charismatic person you know online?: --whatever

Favorite thing to do online: -- check email and talk to my friends cause we're all far apart and show kate pics of std's so she doesnt get anything... dont lick anything thats lumpy or oozing

Do you use Napstersaurus Rex?: -- what?

If so, what is your Napster name?: -- no

Do you roleplay?: -- no

If you have ever, what is your most infamous character?: --no

Are they dead?: -- what are we even talking about

Were they ever dead?: -- n/a

If you had to take your current abilities/quirks and translate them into an existing discipline/sphere/gift what would it be?: -- I really don't know

Do you enjoy filling out surveys online?: -- i do when im back in the ferry and i dont have a car and im bored

If not, are you just filling this out to humor me?: -- No.

Let's talk about sex. -- (Baybee.)

How many partners have you had?: -- the # can fit on one hand
How many of the same sex?: -- I kissed a girl
How many of the opposite sex?: --

Favorite position?: -- Any type of cuddling :D

Do you prefer your pubic hair? Au natural, neatly trimmed, or non existent?: -- Im ok either way i suppose, I like to know what pleases my partner as well
How do you prefer your partner's pubic hair?: -- i dont care not long and knotty though
How often do you masturbate?: -- Whenever

Do you like it when your partner masturbates in front of you?: -- yes, very visual
Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?: -- both but giving more

Have you ever been on the giving end of anal sex?: -- nope

The receiving end?: -- Yes.

Have you ever fisted?: -- No

Been fisted?: -- Sorry eww not into that

Do you incorporate toys into your sex life?: -- Occasionally...i have

Do you have a dominant or submissive personality in the bedroom?: -- I have a dominant personality but am a lil submissive in the bedroom,. i like being taken over

If you could have sex with any famous person, past, present, future, who would it be?: -- Johnny KNoxville

And any non-famous person?: -- i dont know

So you spit, swallow or snowball?: -- swallow, if you have to spit why are you even doing it... i think its kind of a smack in the face for the guy

Have you ever ejaculated on anyones body or have your body ejaculated on?: -- Yes

How did you feel about it?: -- I liked it just fine

Ejaculated on the face?: -- no i think that might be a bit disrespectful

And your feelings towards that?: -- n/a

Have you ever --

Played strip poker and won?: -- No

Lost?: --

Skinny dipped?: -- No but i really want to

Were ya caught?: -- n/a

Naked twister?: -- No i played twister at a beat party it was beat, so i left

You Don't Know Jack?: -- No.

You Don't Know Jack for sexual favors?: -- what
Been arrested?: -- No

How many times and for what?: -- n/s

Played Truth or Dare?: -- nope, n ot really

Played Ode to Beth?: -- nope

Flashed someone?: -- Yes

Broken a bone?: -- no

Kissed someone you didn't know?: -- Yes

Had sex with someone you didn't know?: -- no i would never

Did you at least know their name?: --

Been in a physical fight?: -- yes

Won?: -- yes

Lost?: -- no

Ridden in/on a fire truck?: -- No

Been on a plane?: -- no

Had sex in a church?: -- No
Had sex in public and noone knew?: -- Yes, until people found out

When someone knew?: -- No

Cheated on a significant other?: -- yes, im sorry to say

Swam in the ocean?: -- Yes

Had a nightmare that woke you up?: -- Nope

Woke up from a dream soaked in sweat or other bodily fluid?: -- sweat when i was being squeazed all nite. it was nice

(Just lie to me)

fuck what i said, it dont mean a thing [30 Dec 2003|11:31am]
[ mood | confused ]

I was suppose to work today, but linda called me and said the roads are bad and it's slow....
so I won't be working today. Which is alright but i thought at least I would have something to do.

It's been a long time since I've updated. The art Institute gets crazy at times and I'm not always able to sit and type. It's a school for movers and go getters. If you dont want it bad enough there you simply just wont make it.

I'm finally settled in an apartment ill be in for a while. Apt 1001. Im living with Kaitlin, My best friend in philly, Erin my other bestest friend just moved out at the end of last quarter. What a "CHAMP" for making it outta there alive. No more drunken erin coming in and needing ice cream cones ... i warned Mi Mi her new roomie that shes needy. Hmmph im gonna miss her.

So far my christmas vacation has been boring yet comfortable. I do miss some things about the ferry. I miss how quiet it is. and how pretty it is, yes pretty... there are no trees in philly... not like the trees in dingmans and i cant hear the sound of crickets at sunset. what a pitty instead i hear a jack hammer digging up Broad st at 12 a.m.... exact same thing.
I guess you find comfort in what becomes familiar to you because you have nothing else at the time. and when its gone you do miss it. I do miss it.

Speaking of things i miss, I've missed my momma, Lisa Christa Stef, Jimmy and all the boys trudging into our house and being silly. I dont miss Delaware valley in the least. I miss Don and playing questions. I miss Mush, my poor baby cat. I miss him so much, the house is cold and lonely without him... I haven't slept in my bed since I've been home... Ive been residing on the couch and in Josh's room. I miss the waterwheel and sue and linda( who just got married on saturday with a 2 inch gash on her head)... poor girl. At least she has a story.. thats what i tell kate all the time... it could be worse and at least she has a story.

I'm no longer with jerry, Ive never been so decieved in my life. It's a shame things turned out the way they did... Too much time spent there. I actually havent been with him for a while... what a fake situation, I dont think in the whole time that i was with him that it was anything real to him. Fuck that.

Since then I've been spending time with Ken. He's a really good guy with sort of a sensitive nature. Not bad at all... He drove me to my Grans when vacation started> we had dinner there... I was teasing him that he would be meeting my entire family, and wouldnt you know it everyone who could have possibly showed up- did. I think he really does care about me. how about that... its possible. the weekend i stayed with him we went out to eat at the drafting room. I had really good hard cider there.. woodchuck cider.. or something.
The next day we went out to breakfast and then to the Mischner Museum for the Camera Works Exhibit, which i actually learned about when i wasnt sleeping in my History of Photography 4 hour lecture with Mr. Don Camera... glad thats over...

Actually i never really spoke to Mr camera on a personal level ever... and then i saw him at the Gallery For the graduating photographers and i was wearing fishnets.. he said something like it looks like theresome extra room in the fishnets... i ont remember exactly but he definitely meant a dick could fit through a fishnet Hole... hahha these teachers get a lil crazy... and i swear I dont egg them on at all...

After that gallery opening I wanted to go out with Mr. Rick like last quarter but there was a spilled wine situation so i caught a cab home. Mr. emmons was there as well... one of my absolute favorites.

Two nights ago me lisa stef and christa went to see mona lisa smile. It was really good, I love Julia Styles and Julia Roberts.

Hmm what else am I missing here- Christmas...
We celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve at home. My brothers and their women came over and we ate dinner and did the present thing.. I got a scarf, gloves, boots, 2 skirts, new shirts, ear rings, slippers, comfy house pants... pj's , money, Dvd's. Yes, thats right all 3 back to the futures, and shrek... cute. Candles, A mat cutter for school. I dont remember what else.

My mom is in the process of framing my Finals from the Fall quarter. I really like them. I have a high 3. something Gpa. I worked hard. I cant believe im going to be a 3rd quarter student already. Ive been in college for half a year already. Time is flying.

Me and Kate
... at her neighbors party... tequila shots for everyone


If I never LOST you, I wouldn't have to find you all over and over again... youre the one that i always wanted, the one that I just can't live without

(Just lie to me)

[13 Oct 2003|11:22am]
[ mood | anxious ]

[ x ] Spell your first name backwards -- Nitsirk
[ x ] The story behind your user name – i felt like a used ragdoll, used by men and thats that
[ x ] Are you gay -- no
[ x ] Where do you live -- philly
[ x ] 4 words that sum you up – sarcastic, sexual, crazy.. funny?
[ x ] Wallet – black
[ x ] Hairbrush – a red broken one
[ x ] Toothbrush – clear and blue
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily – 5 rings,1 horseshoe necklace, 13 earings, 1 nose ring, 1 tongue ring
[ x ] Pillow cover – a red one and a purple one
[ x ] Blanket – my wooby that my momma made me back in the day
[ x ] Coffee cup – a huge blue one from like... central perk
[ x ] Sunglasses – i dont know
[ x ] Underwear – my kitty cheeky pants
[ x ] Shoes – lots of sandals i hate being confined. and heels
[ x ] Handbag – a lil nine west bag, and my dickies bag of tricks
[ x ] Favorite top – a lil cleavage tank top wooo haa
[ x ] Cologne/Perfume – pink victoria secret
[ x ] CD in stereo right now – i dont have one... only winamp
[ x ] Tattoos – I’m getting a black widow in a month
[ x ] Piercing -- ears nose and tongue
[ x ] What you are wearing now— oneil jeans and a black tank top
[ x ] Hair – red with blonde streaks and black
[ x ] Makeup -- black liner and mascara
WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] In my mouth – [ x ] tongue ring
In my head – red red wine
[ x ] Wishing – nothing i dont wish anymore
[ x ] After this -- darkroom
[ x ] Talking to -- don
[ x ] Eating -- nothing
[ x ] Fetishes – none
[ x ] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason -- no one
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now – my momma i miss her
[ x ] Is next to you – my cell phone and my keys
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies – back to the future, dumb and dumber
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to seeing in the next month – nothing, not til november
[ x ] The last thing you ate – a mint
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of – saw dust glass chips metal shavings...
[ x ] Do you like candles – yes
[ x ] Do you like hot wax --sure
[ x ] Do you like incense – no they smell like stale musty asshole
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood – no
[ x ] Do you believe in love – sure, but not from experience
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates -- yea
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight – no
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven – yes
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness -- yes
[ x ] Do you believe in God – yes
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die – burned on a char broiler
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy – i dont have one
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be – MUSH
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up – 2 days
[ x ] Ever been to Belgium -- no
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks -- yes
[ x ] What's your favorite coin – i dont give a fuck
[ x ] What are 5 states you wouldn't mind relocating to – arizona, california, new mexico, south carolina, georgia
[ x ] What are some of your favorite pig out foods -- slim jims
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand -- the way my mind works
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better -- guys
[ x ] Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time – my mom and friends at home
[ x ] What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow --get all of my negatives developed in the dark room today

(Just lie to me)

i didnt think we'd end up like this... [07 Oct 2003|12:06pm]
[ mood | content ]

sunday i came back from my week vacation after the 1st quarter was up. finals sucked so much and like i said i started taking zoloft, its been two weeks now... and i feel excellllllllllent :). umm so my week off

the thursday before i left was so intense, i had to finish my final for photoshop and i was in a fuckin bad mood because my layers some how were merged so anyway kate and i were going to an art show but i was being a bitch. I only had 14 dollars for a cab. if it cost more than 7 to get there we were walking home... it cost 6.90. so Mr barrick was there and he was getting ready to leave, but when we stepped outta the cab he was like... "theres a reason to stay" just to fill everyone in, mr barrick is my photoshop and computer science teacher. hmmph

so we looked through the gallery- the work was excellent.. it was from graduating photography students, then all the kids there were going to a bar afterwards they asked us if we wanted to go... but i only had 7 dollars to get home, so they asked my barrick if he wanted to go- he said he would only go if kate and i went... and he said the first round was on him... lol so we went, and drank some white russians and rum and cokes. then he drove us home.. oh dear as soon as we walked in the apt building we walked back out cause ryan was out on the street. this kid jason came up to us and said that this other kid justin was bleeding, now see i hate justin and dont give a shit what happens to him... but anyway he was down on broad street sitting on the side walk drinkin a 40 with some ugly chick and he had cuts all over him, he let some girl with a knife carve a cross into him and slash him... he was rubbing the cuts, but seemed numb to the pain he was so coked up. i have no sympathy for ppl like that... then we went back to kates to drink although she didnt drink, just ryan and i did and i passed out and was an hour late to my final the next morning with mr barrick... opps! i love college life.

my momma picked me up later that nite with my aunt brenda.... i spent the week at my grans. mostly watching tv and babysitting. i hung out with my cousins quite a bit i had nothing else to do. I tried seeing greg but i guess he forgot about me, but then i talked to him saturday and he was like i dont ever want to lose you, and made me rewrite his home phone # down incase he lost his cell phone... and he wanted to know how much longer i would be in school. when i go home in november we hate a date for my birthday... he wants to take me out. i miss him, but it takes a lot of patience to be with him.

saturday nite i hung out with simi... and i was thinking this morning, simi and i have had some really funny times together... like at the shore prom weekend when those boys were trying to smuggle us into their rooms to smoke tainted weed... fuckers, or drinking screw drivers with sim emily alan paul and james at 4 in the afternoon... oh yea nikki was there too... but yea sim and i have been friends for a long time. i thought shed be the last one to stay in touch with me but im not worrying now.

sunday morning i went out to breakfast with stef just like old times at perkins. and she seemed to be in a better happier mood then she has been. Im happy, i dont want her to be sad. Ive missed her

I came home sunday nite and we ended up drinking with jason, jason, ryan john and mexican... kate and i were the only girls... weird. we played kings or some shit. it was fun then i got dragged away and when i came back everyone was gone :( hmmph

i dont have class til tomorrow so ive been bored for the past 2 days, everyone else has class but i dont.... its good but im bored. BORED!

i called jerry like 3 weeks ago or so he finally called me back last week and i almost wish he never called me back ever cause after waiting for so long its like... why even bother. Every time this happens i care less and less, and it happens far too often. so whatever...
ok im gonna go now

(Just lie to me)

[24 Sep 2003|09:03am]
So im posting for the first time in a long time. What with moving and mush passing away and then jumping right into hardcore finals that lasts for 2 week long i feel pooped. Finals end friday, i actually just finished a math final with the quickness, and then im going to go take a nap before my photography final critque. I worked so fuckin hard on this photography final... i spent days upon days in the dark room i feel like i live there, my hands are so staind with the stench of developer and fixer. a sour but comforting smell... right.

so i went to the dr monday, i just havent been myself, every year i go through this and this is how it is,,, i know i feel certain ways that i dont want to, but i cant stop myself from feeling that way either, so with the depression and anxiety, i started taking zoloft, i have to go see a counselor. interesting. Its really hard to feel sad all the time when i feel like such a happy person, so thats that story...

I might be moving once again. My friends here kate, natasha, and ashley live in a 3 person apt, but housing has someone else scheduled to move in too, so they would rather it be me then some girl they dont know... id rather live there too cause im always there anyway, my apartment isnt the best in the world. i love all my roomies though theyre awesome and theres always something goin on even if its at 4 am when i get in. Rufios been sick, when i tried giving him is antibiotic the other day he scratched my chest. dirty ass ferret.

3 more finals to go, im really nervous but i hope i can do it.
my cold sore finally went away, i hated that i had it sooooooooooooooo much, it made me so upset to know that from now on at any point in time i can just another one. ive been infected. dont touch me.

i had a few too many drinks friday nite. at first i was taking care of kate cause she was chuggin sky berry, but while she was throwing up i excused myself to get my drink. stef had called me a few times that nite to go have a drink with her but when she did i was in the middle of my self portrait shoot. when she called the last time i was completely drunk and she wanted to come over for a drink, well i have 5 room mates and they pretty much occupy the living room, not that thats a problem but i didnt know if it would fly, and stef was like what are you ashamed of us.. cause she wanted to bring her friend kevin, so anyway they come over. i was so drunk and she said she wanted to come over for a drink but she had something else in mind... which was not cool at all but i wont get into that. anyway my room mates came home and they left i got back on the elevator with 2 RA's i was a mess my combat boots were untied and i was tripping lol so i took my thigh highs off in front of everyone and went to bed.

ahh sleep. when i go home for a week saturday im gonna sleep my life away. ive been non stopped with photography. kate and i were up late last nite spotting, theres never a moment im awake when i dont have something to do...

this entry is so random...

kate natasha and i went to midtown diner last nite at like 1 am for breakfast. hmmph there were alot of gay men in there they must have just gotten out of woodys.

well im gonna go take that nap i suppose its freezing in the computer lab, ... i dont know when ill have the internet in my room, but if i move out then it will be even longer. fuck this :(

i miss my people at home :( ... just wanna go home. i need a break.... boo

i love u girls

(Just lie to me)

my first real entry since i started at the art institute [13 Aug 2003|09:00pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I moved in and it was a mess here. It pissed me off right away; i left my momma and my cat to come here and clean up a shit hole. but anyway, i was living here all week by myself and i didnt really know anyone... so i bought a book- it was about sex... haha opps. Jerry came to visit me cause i was lonely. That saturday i went to a party with him to a party in princeton. I had alot of fun. I drank good wine ate good food, and we went in the hot tub and i got a lil crazy. all in good fun.
Jerry brought me home that nite... when i got here patrice was here-one of my flatmates. then slowly the other flatmates moved in.. danielle and tiombe'. since then tiombe' moved out and danielle moved into my room. I hope it doesnt seem like we're singling patrice out cause shes a really nice girl, shes just a lil tiny bit of a messy person.
The second day i was here guys were asking for my # and by the 3rd day someone bought me flowers... interesting, at first i couldnt take all the attention. it was actually making me feel really uncomfortable, but now im ok with it. The guys here are just not shy so thats that.

I broke up with Greg, it was nice while it lasted but he needs to get his life in order, im sorry to say that i think he needs me to get his life in order. The nite before i left for philly he invited me over and he bought champagne and spread a blanket out on the soccer field in the park and put candles everywhere and he read me a letter that he wrote to me. It was really sweet, no guy has ever done that kinda stuff for me, nothing that actually took thought but he did. When i brought him home that he told me that he loved me and that he could really see himself with me for a long time. No guy has ever loved me before either, and somehow i knew it just couldnt work out. Hes a good guy though.. he told me if i ever wanted to try again when i gotta out of school he would be willing. hmmm i dont know what to think about that. but anyway enough about him...

Classes have been going well but the work is time consuming, I was exempt from my math midterm today cause i have the highest grade in the class. I had to go anyway though cause i had to tutor some kids.... right, i hate math.
I love being in the dark room, but it takes the most time out of all my classes... i feel like if i had no other classes i could really get some good prints happening here. but midterms are this week so everythings crazy.maybe some other time...

Ive met alot of interesting people here, lots and lots of gay people, but theyre cool and easy going, well thats not true cause there are also lots of stuck up gay boys... ya. I dont have many favorites here though... id have to say i get along best with my room mate danielle and this girl Kate that i have practically every class with. The teachers know us as buddies, and jersey girls.. mm hmm

On to more important things... I miss my momma so much, i cant live without her. and she called last thursday and said she had to talk to me... i said please dont tell me mush is dead. She said he was sick and hasnt been eating and josh came home from work and he was gasping, she let me believe he was still alive cause she didnt want to tell me over the phone that he had passed away. I couldnt take it and broke down right away, that cat was my world, ive never loved one little tiny lil thing as much as i loved this cat. My lil smush mush.I called him baby cat, and i called my house almost everyday to talk to him or leave a message on the answering maching for him. I cant believe hes gone, everything i love is taken away.
hmmph I love that cat sooooooo much

so yea my mom came and picked me up thursday nite, we slept at my grandmas, my eyes were so swollen from crying you could have popped my eyelids. i went home friday nite and without mush the house felt so cold and lonely. and also the fact that the house really is empty, none of my stuff is there and eric already moved out, josh is moving out in september and my mom and blue are never there...

Everything is coming to an end.

saturday i went to antoinettes with josh to say goodbye... she leaves friday for Fl. Mike, aaron, ray, christa and 2 of ants friends were there.then frank came over. later catherine dan and emily came over. we went swimming in the rain, and ray held a 10 foot metal pole in the pool... good thinking ray. It was so funny being with everyone- silly assholes.Jimmy stopped by and i drove home with him.
sunday i went to the mall with simi and i was suppose to get a tattoo but that didnt go over so well, so i made an appt for the 31st i think.
i stopped by to see stef then sim and i went to see lisa for a bit... and we stopped by to see christa earlier. I miss all my friends so much, no one here in philly can compare to them, no one here feels familiar or like home to me... so anyway
Jim came by to say good bye, and then i said good bye to ant. I love that girl, i hope her and josh get married shes always felt like family. theyre perfect.
I packed up the rest of my stuff sunday nite and drove into philly with mike the next day.I took pics of him singing, he has an awesome voice, i get goosebumps. i went straight to class and he walked around or something, we met up later on and mike jeremy and his gf jen helped me bring my stuff inside and then we went out to dinner in bryn mar or something- It reminds me of princeton.

jerry called me friday to see if i wanted to go out... umm my cat just passed away- not a good time for that at all! but we might go out this saturday, who knows. the last time i was over his place, i helped him clean out an apartment in trenton and then one of his friends came over for a while... i forget her name. When he brought me back he was on the phone with verizon forever trying to fix my computer. I finally fixed my computer yesterday.

damn it i miss my cat, i feel like a bitch
fuck off

(Just lie to me)

lm in college whoo hoo... yea art institute [05 Aug 2003|10:23pm]
midterms are coming up... its crazy so much work to do. i have to shoot 2 rolls of film a week, and do all the processing and stuff and meet crazy requirements. but I need to do this. ive been really crackin down on myself here, this is nothin like highschool, cause we all know how i used to fuck around there. Ive been workin really hard. i have to keep my GPA up to keep my scholarship, plus lookin for a job.the other day i spent 7 hours straight in teh dark room trying to get some prints done. even though its time consuming i love being in the darkroom. i cant wait to be famous. To all my people at home i miss you guys and love you. Ill definitely be home this weekend! Im sorry i havent been callin, i have to wait til august 10 to use my cell phone again, im so far over 500 minutes im gonna have to prostitute to pay for it. this sucks.... boo :( .... college is real expensive guys. im broke. haha but u gotta love it....
My computer is still broken hopefully that will be fixed soon but who knows, i need a new one maybe...

Everyone give me a call this weekend and we'll all do something and youll drive cause i dont have a car anymore. :)

Ill write more to say whats goin on when i get my pc fixed... one day :(

(4 Lies | Just lie to me)

[06 Jul 2003|04:16pm]
[ x ] Wallet -black with a red cat on it - its EMILY
[ x ] Hairbrush - hmm dont really brush my hair, i have a light blue pick
[ x ] Toothbrush - gray
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily -5 rings, tongue ring, nose ring, 13 ear rings
[ x ] Pillow cover .different animal prints
[ x ] Blanket - animal print
[ x ] Sunglasses -pinkish/purple stripped ones.. ha
[ x ] Underwear - black lace cheeky pants
[ x ] Favorite shirt - "be sexy.. it doesnt have to mean have sex" tank
[ x ] Cologne/Perfume -PINK
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - none
[ x ] Tattoos - 3!!!!! got a new one.. rock on
[ x ] Piercings -ears, nose , tongue
[ x ] What you are wearing right now - black and white skirt
WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] In my mouth - tongue ring
[ x ] In my head - the annoying thought that lingers on of someone- no names!
[ x ] Wishing - Love.. as always......... yet to happen
[ x ] After this - fire works with lisa and christa
[ x ] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who, and for what reason - i would never wanna kill someone.. im a good girl
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - GARY
[ x ] Is next to you -Mush, he loves my desk... aww kittie
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies -fast times at ridgemont high, dumb and dumber, never been kissed, sweet november... lots of stuff
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month -Movin to philly on tues
[ x ] The last thing you ate - taylor ham egg and cheese.. rockin the Nj sandwhiches
[ x ]Something that you are deathly afraid of - glass, metal shavings, fiber glass, insilation, and saw dust in my eyes....
[x ] Do you like candles - yea
[ x ] Do you like incense - not so much
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood -ermm nope
[ x ] Do you believe in love - yea
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - yea... can u tell me where mine is?
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - NO
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - mush, ive alread had every kind of animal in the world, now i have the best cat ever! im gonna miss him
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - all nite and day and nite
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - yea- im the master i eat fruit loops with them
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - i dont give a shit
[ x ] What are some of your favorite candies - peanut butter stuff
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - Me.. but its really hard to do that.

Mush is laying on my desk right by me, like my favorite cat does... :)
me lisa and christa went to see fire works at fern wood.. but first we went to the DQ. MmMmMmmm, so then we saw the fire works it was awesome- i love them... lisa was getting goose shit everywhere like a lil slob, but thats ok she has fun with it. I had a great time chillin with my girls, weve been doin cute things like swimming at the falls, and goin to the movies.

so then friday I went to jersey and picked up greg. We went to my step sisters for a BBQ. that was a good time too, and i know he feels more at home with my family then he seems to with his family. It was very relaxed, we ate good food and ppl got me a lil wet with water balloons, but i was wearing a really cute dress everyone wanted to get greg, so finally i did and frank turned around and gave him a water balloon the size of the world and got me completely soaked. Then we went swimming in ringwood at some cement pond.. haha freeeeeeezin cold.. After dessert we went back to my grans and took a nap. chilled there with my aunt and uncle for a while then went to his house to go swimming which never ever works out. this time it was way too cold and smelled really strong with chemicals. So we went to a late nite diner.
OH MY GOD>.... on the way home i almost hit a drunk man in the middle of union ave. he was just laying there. so we stopped and i blocked off the road til the cops came. an ambulance came too cause he tried to get up but fell backwards into my car. This at was like 1 a.m. lol riiiight...
so greg slept at my grans with me it was so cute. in the morning we went out for breakfast and then i took him home and said my good byes.
I went to my aunt brendas and put hailey to sleep cause im magical like that, my mom ordered my camera Nikon baby... and then i went to say good bye to my aunt loretta russell and the kids,aunt loretta was crying of course so then i was

(Just lie to me)

o0o0 rockin the boredom [01 Jul 2003|11:03pm]
[ mood | worried ]

I cant believe how incredibly bored i am right now, this time last nite i was out with lisa and christa.
we saw 28 days later, very good movietoo bad i was fuckin tired
beyond belief. still very good.hahah i made the girls wait 15 minutes so i could get pretzel bits...
i dont mess around!

i slept the whole way home cause i was worn out, I brought greg home with me on umm sunday. i went down for my cousins grad party. he seemed to have a really good time there too.. after the party we went for a walk back through the trails along hte river, that was nice but i have to say my favorite part of the whole weekend was when we laid in the grass together in the soccer filed at the park Just laid there. Thouroughly pleased.... so yea i brought him home with me he bought me dinner. He forgot his tooth brush so late at nite i drove him to the store to get one... aww the thngs i do for boys....
yea right so we got back home and i was pooped, but he never is cause he bought amp, plus he takes stackers... hes so hyper as it is. we had a good morning together. I bought him breakfast and we stopped at the waterwheel and i got his parents danish. cute. umm so we went back to his house and chilled for a while and i was so pissed cause i found out he kissed some other girl the other nite, but then i was like,... ya know what whatever... im leaving in a few days and i dotn know whats gonna happen then, so just dont let it happen again.
Thats not like me at all, but what am i gonna do...

His lil journal said, i hooked up with some girl at the club, but i think im fallin in love with Kristin...
Meanwhile I'm leaving in 7 days... Oh dear, what am i gonna do about that.

ok so yea, i got home yesterday afternoon and chilled with sim for a bit, met up with alan and paul... hah yea
then me lisa and christa went to the movies, and today at like 12:30 we all went down to the falls and laid in the sun on the rocks and then i brought christa to her store, and me and lisa went back to the waterfalls to go swimming. and laid in the sun the rest of the afternoon...

It was so relaxing and peaceful
i love the feeling of goin in the water and then laying in the sun and drying and ur skin tightens up... damn i love it
the lil things like that are gonna be the things i miss about the fairy, u cant go everywhere and have waterfalls for u to swim in down the road....

oh umm sunday morning i got up early to say good bye to james, Im always the one to wake him up... oh well anyway i brought him pictures, and i cried. :(
aww everythings ending.

Emilys goin to cape cod tomorrow for 2 weeks and im gonna be gone for good when she gets back and i didnt even get a chance to see her.

ok thats enough of that.

they were all in love with dyin- they were doin it in texas

(1 Lie | Just lie to me)

bored [01 Jul 2003|06:43pm]
1. What's your favorite cheese?
Munster? is that spelled right.. o00o well

2. How long do you hold onto odd socks before giving up on finding their mate?
hah i dont wear socks, but yet their everywhere

3. Who was your favorite musical artist when you were 15?

4. What shape are your fingernails in right now?
medium length and squared

5. Two scoops: of what?
peanut butter ice cream

6. What's your earliest memory?
some lil tea set that i think my grandma got me, and how i put mud in it... aww i was adorable

7. When does your pet look funniest?
when he looks like an old man really tired and laying on his back looking at me upside down... aww kittie

8. What do you collect?
skirts ... thats about it. and i save all my old journals i have like 20

9. What's better than sex?

10. What things are you brand-loyal to?
Photos, friends, red lipstick, pink and red painted nails, and mush

11. Favorite Dr. Seuss book?
one fish two fish red fish blue fish

12. Best meal you've had lately?
greg and i have been goin out to eat a lot - weird, but id have to say the burrito i had at my cousins party.. haha

13. Peanut Butter and ________?
CHOCOLATE... what a marvelous idea

14. Who's your favorite poet?
dont have one

15. Where are you going on vacation this year?
I dont vacation.. im on vacation right now, chillin at home before i start college in 6 days

16. If you could change careers tomorrow with no strings attached, what would you be?
i havent started a career yet, so photographer

17. Whaddya drive?
eww black cavalier

18. What's your poison?
Rum and coke - screw J.D.

19. The color of the carpet or the kind of floor in the room you are sitting in right now.

20. What's on your walls?
my paintings and photographs, yes thats all

(Just lie to me)

Tomorrows gonna come too soon [28 Jun 2003|03:41pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

So heres the story.
I got my new tattoo thursday its awesome... id post a pic if i remembered how to use my cousins web site thing she hooked me up with. Ill have to inquire about that. Margie if u read this what do i do again? :( sorry!

anyway its a naked lil fairy chick crawling on a leaf. its real cute!

wednesday i went to jersey to see Greg wednesday. He had an appt at 5:30 so i picked him up and we chilled at Ringwood Manor, I was there before... hmm. anyway so i took him to the appt. but it was canceled. I swear this guy knows everyone in the world.he got out to say hi to some of his friends and i stayed by the car, one of his friends asked him if he could have a piece of that... riiight... cause im meat. but they said i was fine and that was flattering. anywho... we went out to eat, and were going to go swimming in the reservoir, and we attempted to, it just didnt work out well... so we left. ( i later found out its over a 500 dollar fine if ur caught swimming in the reservoir- i dont need any more cops or tickets in my life!!!!!!!)

so then we went back to his house to go swimming cause he has a pool... why we just didnt do that in the first place i dont know but we couldnt swim there either cause his dad just shocked the pool. We ended up just chillin for a bit, and then i left cause he has to get up early for work.

I'm gonna see him tomorrow. I'm going to my cousins grad party and bringing him along. this should be interesting... meeting alllllllll the family at once.. haha poor guy.

Yesterday i chilled with sim all day. and Jimmy's makin a huge mistake... hes never even tried to hang out with any of us this summer. so hes leaving tomorrow and thats that. whatever...
so sim and i ended up going to walmart twice yesterday, she finally wrote in my year book... and now i just need em to do the same. later last nite we picked up gregson and his boys and went to this kid paul's party... it smelled like cat piss, and im serious------------ i saw a roach... now in the south if u see a roach its common, cause theyre everywhere... in the north if u see a roach, its just plain dirty. so we left at like 2 ish... greg called me on the way home and i told him i call him back when i got home, so i tried to but he didnt answer. then i got a phone call at like 3, and i thought it was him - but really it turned out to be some drunk kid that was throwing up and had me worrying cause i thought it was greg and it wasnt, and he thought i was his gf, but he dialed the wrong # and i had no idea cause when he called he said hey baby... but a lil more conversation helped me to find out that it wasnt him... when he said that he was driving home and got pulled over by a cop, and was like do u know theres a warrant out for u... and when he told me he got shot.... Holy shit then i knew it wasnt greg. so anyway this stranger who dialed the wrong # called me back 2 more times... wtf...... toooooo weird.

Ok im goin out with stef now to her cousin's grad party... glad we're gonna look the cutest there and no one else!

(Just lie to me)

BORED- stole this shit! [27 Jun 2003|12:26am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

last cigarette: dont smoke!
last kiss: today... awww baby.. haha
last good cry: Graduation
last library book checked out: some book on bipolar disorder for my sr. paper
last movie seen:dumb and dumberer
last book read: hah... hamlet?
last cuss word uttered: im assuming fuck
last beverage drank: Oj
last food consumed: andy capps - hot fries
last crush:booooooo i hate the word crush!
last phone call: Greg
last tv show watched: I dont really watch tv
last time showered: Before
last shoes worn: cute lil bongo sandals
last cd played: my summers outta reach mix
last item bought: my new tattoo!
last downloaded: Butthole surfers- pepper
last annoyance: Missing dinner with sean and mike... i need to stop being late:(
last disappointment: Jerry forgetting i exist
last soda drank: diet coke only when i go out, other than that i dont drink soda
last thing written: soda
last key used: backspace
last word spoken: smushy mush
last sleep: this morning
last im: Im leaving in for school in 10 days
last sexual fantasy: i fantasize all the time
last weird encounter: i saw a midget the other day walking down the street like ... yea
last ice cream eaten: half baked at my grandmas. at the store the guy behind me asked to put my tag in for me and was like... the small ice creams for u right? and hte big one for everyone else?
last time amused: I amuse myself constantly
last time wanting to die:when i found out i had 3 girl room mates
last time in love: never been in love
last time hugged:yesterday; greg wouldnt let me hug him cause he was sweaty... o0o0 baby haha
last time scolded: im not scolded
last time resentful: dontknow
last chair sat in: the one im in
last lipstick used:
last underwear worn: ididnt wear underwear today
last bra worn: purple lace
last shirt worn: sally from the nightmare before christmas
last time dancing: hmm real dancing- prom
last poster looked at: mariah carey ... old school
last show attended: probably warped tour 2002... i dont really do the show thing much
last webpage visited: hotmail

1 MINUTE AGO:what?
1 HOUR AGO: tried to go have dinner with the boys- failed attempt
1 DAY AGO: out to eat with greg, hahah attempted to go swimming..right
1 WEEK AGO: date with greg
1 YEAR AGO: wisconsin with jerry
I HURT: too much
I LOVE: mush and my momma
I HATE: asshole boys
I FEAR: never falling in love, going blind... gettin cancer, never being able to have kids
I FEEL:tired a lil lonely
I HIDE: nothing
I DRIVE: a piece of shit car
I MISS:my daddy
I LEARNED: high school sucks
I THINK: going to school too soon
current clothes:cropped ny&co. jeans, sally from the nightmare b4 christmas tank
current mood: sleepy sad that i missed dinner with the guys...boooooo!
current music: taking back sunday- lost and found
current taste: hot fries
current hair: up and crazy i dont want my hair fallin in the A&D ointment on my tattoo... yay!
current annoyance: nothing
current smell: new beggings candle my manager got me
current thing i should be doing: nothing... im as free as a bird
current desktop pic:spiders
current refreshment: none
current worry: how im gonna get everything i have to do - done b4 school

1. What do you most like about your body? my lips eyes and legs. ass might be cute too ;)
2. And least? boobs
3. How many fillings do you have? 2
4. Do you think you're good looking? yes i think im cute
5. Do other people often tell you that you're good looking? yea i heard it yesterday quite a few times
6. Do you look like any celebrities? some of my friends used to call me drew cause i look like drew barrymore some days. thats ok- i think shes cute

(Just lie to me)

sweet- i mean you. [23 Jun 2003|11:41pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

so after work yesterday i went to get my belly button pierced, but that didnt go through and i talked to greg and he asked me if i wanted to do something. so even though its a long drive i decided to go. He's just really sweet and cute aww.. when i got there he had notes that he had written so he wouldnt for get to tell me things, and this was one of the notes he gave me.

I l ike being with you, you make me feel cool.I just dont know why it took so ling to find a nice chick like you. I know so many, and been with so many. I dont understand... sweet- i mean you. hahah awww cutie.

so we hung out at his house for a bit, then we went out to flips quick, and when we got back he asked me to go for a walk and said he wanted to show me off. so we went for a walk and i stopped at my aunt brenda's cause i had no place to sleep last nite, my gran wasnt home so my aunt said i could stay there. How nice of her....
Then greg and i went back to his house to chill for a bit longer, biut when he parents got home i guess they thought it was too late for me to be there, and so whatever we left and went to back beach out on the play ground... til the cops came.... lol too funny. 2 times in a row. Eep... so anyway i slept like a baby last nite at my aunts, but had to get up early to go to work. sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boooooooooooooooooooo

Im gonna go see him again on wed. - cant wait

and he sings that baby you got what i need song. ( just a friend ),... mm hmm

(Just lie to me)

ahhh [21 Jun 2003|07:04pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

i had sucha awesome friday/saturday morning. :)

I went to jersey last night and went out to this realllllllly nice restaurant with greg. I had eggplant of course. my aunt let me use her new black expedition. it was ooooo so nice. then umm after dinner we were gonna attempt to see a movie, but that didnt work out so well... so we went to his house and i met his parents, then to the pits and chilled for a while, then we went to play pool- that was beat. all these serious pool faggots were there... and i accidentally took some girls pool stick... and she wanted it back- well guess what - fuck u lil serious pool playing 15 year old. lol
so i dropped my aunts car off, and we got into my beast of a car.. and chilled for a while at his house but there was no place to park so i parked in front of the neighbors but they called the cops- so i had to move my car. damn they take parking spots serious. then we chilled in his room and watched tv and what not. this morning we went out for breakfast and went for a walk and hung out for a while before i had to leave...
even with gregs lil problem from the accident dont know it doesnt bother me really. its not that i like it, but i kinda do cause it kinda makes him a lil vunerable like he kinda needs me. and he said hes been lookin for a nice lady... haha so well see.

Now what the hell do i do about jerry. I love the guy but i cant wait around for him to decide to start thinking of me.

Greg called me a pimp...... ummmm. yea

driving home was horrible cause of the rain and flooding on the highway. so that sucked. then i went to James' grad party. I might go to kates later. but who knows. ... im tired we'll see whats up

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